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【TOP 50】Rodney Dangerfield Quotes - WhatsApp Status | Page-1

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I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

Rodney Dangerfield

American Comedian Funny

I'm so ugly - I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

I'm so ugly - I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get

Rodney Dangerfield

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.

Rodney Dangerfield

American Comedian Funny

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

Rodney Dangerfield

American Comedian Funny

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

Rodney Dangerfield

American Comedian Cigarette Funny

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.

Rodney Dangerfield

American Comedian Funny

I was so poor growing up - if I wasn't a boy - I'd have had nothing to play with - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

I was so poor growing up - if I wasn't a boy - I'd have had nothing to play with

Rodney Dangerfield

Funny

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.

Rodney Dangerfield

American Comedian Funny

At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.

Rodney Dangerfield

American Comedian Funny Hope

One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control

Rodney Dangerfield

Birth

My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.

Rodney Dangerfield

American Comedian Funny

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

Rodney Dangerfield

American Comedian Funny

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

Rodney Dangerfield

American Comedian Funny

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.

Rodney Dangerfield

American Comedian Funny

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.

Rodney Dangerfield

American Comedian Funny

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

Rodney Dangerfield

American Comedian Cheating Funny

My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

Rodney Dangerfield

American Comedian Funny

I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

Rodney Dangerfield

American Comedian Funny Luck

What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.

Rodney Dangerfield

American Comedian Funny

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

Rodney Dangerfield

Age And Aging American Comedian Funny

I was such an ugly kid - When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

I was such an ugly kid - When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up

Rodney Dangerfield

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

Rodney Dangerfield

American Comedian Funny Sex

If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.

Rodney Dangerfield

American Comedian Funny

I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.

Rodney Dangerfield

American Comedian Funny People

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

Rodney Dangerfield

American Comedian Funny Quote of the Day Short

I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

Rodney Dangerfield

American Comedian Funny Night

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

Rodney Dangerfield

American Comedian Dogs Funny

girl phoned me the other day and said .... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

girl phoned me the other day and said .... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.

Rodney Dangerfield

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

Rodney Dangerfield

American Comedian Funny Parents

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.

Rodney Dangerfield

American Comedian Funny Sleep

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

Rodney Dangerfield

American Comedian Funny Mother

I'm so ugly - My mother had morning sickness - After I was born - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

I'm so ugly - My mother had morning sickness - After I was born

Rodney Dangerfield

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

Rodney Dangerfield

American Comedian Funny

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

Rodney Dangerfield

American Comedian Funny Mother

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

Rodney Dangerfield

American Comedian Editor's Pick Funny Quote of the Day

My mother never breast-fed me. She told me she liked me as a friend. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

My mother never breast-fed me. She told me she liked me as a friend.

Rodney Dangerfield

American Comedian Funny Mother

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

Rodney Dangerfield

American Comedian Funny

My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.

Rodney Dangerfield

American Comedian Funny

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.

Rodney Dangerfield

American Comedian Funny

With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other! - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!

Rodney Dangerfield

American Comedian Funny Night

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

Rodney Dangerfield

American Comedian Funny

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.

Rodney Dangerfield

American Comedian Funny

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.

Rodney Dangerfield

American Comedian Funny

Life is just a bowl of pits. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

Life is just a bowl of pits.

Rodney Dangerfield

American Comedian Funny Life

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

Rodney Dangerfield

American Comedian Funny Night

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

Rodney Dangerfield

American Comedian Funny

At my age, I'm envious of a stiff wind. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

At my age, I'm envious of a stiff wind.

Rodney Dangerfield

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

Rodney Dangerfield

One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

Rodney Dangerfield

American Comedian Birth Funny

They change the sheets every day... from one bed to another. - Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

They change the sheets every day... from one bed to another.

Rodney Dangerfield

Bed

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